You can't assume that you - or your health care provider for that matter - would know if you had an STD, including HIV, as most show NO symptoms. That's right, you can't tell just by "looking." Getting tested is the only way to know for sure.

The best thing to do is to see a health care provider. He or she can discuss any specific concerns with you, and help you decide what tests you should get. If you are not comfortable talking to your regular doctor, or if you don’t have one, there are many health clinics that offer good information and testing. Text your ZIP code to GYTNOW or click here to find an HIV testing center in your area near you.

Asking for STD and HIV testing is as simple as that – just ask. Think of it as one more way you are taking care of your health, like you might ask for a blood pressure check. Testing for STDs, including HIV, should be a standard part of health care for anyone who is sexually active, so asking for the test is not a sign that you have done something wrong, rather, it’s a sign you are doing something right.

Don’t wait for your partner to bring up getting tested for HIV and other STDs, take charge. Someone has to do it, right? So just say ?GYT?. It can be as simple as that. Go ahead and take control of your sex life. Keep in mind that by talking about it you are showing that you care enough about each other to protect each other. Chances are, your partner will appreciate your truthfulness and reciprocate, and this kind of openness and honesty may even strengthen your bond. You might be surprised - your partner will probably feel relieved that you brought it up.

Having a conversation about sex and protection shouldn’t be negotiable. If you try to have a conversation about sex and your partner doesn’t want to talk, you need to think about whether you want to be in a relationship with someone you can’t talk to.

Here are some tips that experts suggest for getting started:

• Start the conversation when you have time and privacy, before things start to heat up. Choose a time and place for your talk that is relaxed and comfortable, before you are intimate (that means before you take your clothes off!).
• Start off on a positive note. Let your partner know that you really care about him or her and that’s why you want to talk. Explain this isn't about a lack of trust. You?ve been reading up and the important thing is to help both of you stay healthy.
• Be up front and direct about your feelings and what you feel comfortable doing now. If you are feeling a little nervous - and a lot of people do - it's okay to say so. The other person probably is too. If you are informed and have thought through what you want to say it will be a lot easier.
• If both of you decide you want to have a sexual relationship, start off by getting tested together. Let them know that you have done your research and know where to go. You can each make an appointment and go together. You should also discuss with your health care provider what STDs you should be screened for. Click here for tips on how to talk to your health care provider about getting tested.
• If you know you have an STD, including HIV, or find out after you’ve been tested (you would each be given your results privately so it’s still up to you to let your partner know), start by letting him or her know you found out you have an STD and want to let him or her know. For more talking tips about how to let a partner know you have an STD, see section below entitled “I have an STD…” Be prepared. Make a decision about what kind of protection you are going to use and get it…ahead of time. Condoms are your best bet to prevent against BOTH pregnancy and STDs, including HIV. For more about condoms, read the section below “I want to use condoms.”
• If at anytime, you change your mind it’s always okay to hold off. Remember: It’s Your (Sex) Life!

If one of you has an STD, including HIV, it is important to be honest at the start – both for your partner’s well-being as well as yours. Having an STD doesn’t mean you can’t have a relationship, just that you need to take precautions. Talking with a health care provider can help, and remember that some people may not be able to tell you if they have an STD – because they may not even know it – so getting tested together is a good first step, before having any kind of sexual relationship.

If you decide to have sex, you’ll want to talk about how you are going to protect yourselves from STDs, including HIV, and unwanted pregnancy, and using condoms is the only way to prevent unintended pregnancy and STDs, including HIV. Starting the conversation about condoms may feel uncomfortable at first, but chances are, your partner will also be glad, relieved even, that you brought it up. In fact, a national survey found that the vast majority of young people would feel respected and cared for if a partner suggested using a condom. Of course, it’s possible that your partner might not agree to wear a condom right away, and in that case you need to decide whether having sex with this person is worth the risk they are asking you to take.

As with all conversations about sex, it will help to start the condom talk before you are in ‘the heat of the moment.’ Talk about it before you're in a situation when you might need one. That way, you will both clear on what you are going to do, and you will have time to make sure the condoms are available when you need them. Condoms are for sale at drug stores, as well as at many convenience and grocery stores, and are also often available for free at health clinics.

Be direct about your feelings. Remember there is no reason to be embarrassed! Be firm: no condom, no sex.

Don't be afraid about rejection. If someone doesn't care enough about you to respect your wishes and use a condom, then they aren't worth your time.

Be posititve! When you use a condom you have less to worry about.

You can buy condoms in lots of places: drugstores, grocery stores, convenience stores, dispensers in bathrooms, and so on. There are also online retailers, including specialty condsom sites as well as online drug stores and groceries that can mail them to you. Testing centers and health clinics may have free condom supplies available as well. Many people feel nervous about going to the store to buy condoms, especially the first time. They may worry about what the cashier or others in the store might say or think. But remember: lots of people buy condoms every day; the only thing you can really tell about a person buying condoms is that they are taking responsibility for their sexual health. Condoms are for sale at drug stores, as well as at many convenience and grocery stores, and are also often available for free at health clinics.

As hard as it may be to talk about it, if you have an STD, it’s important to be honest. Not only will it help you take the right precautions to protect your partner – but yourself as well. If you do have an STD, getting another infection can cause further health complications. First off, know that STDs are really common and most people who have one don't know it. So if you KNOW you have one there is a lot you can do to NOT pass it along. Chances are, your partner will appreciate your truthfulness and reciprocate, and such honesty can strengthen a relationship – it shows you respect and care for one another.

• Keep it simple and stick to the facts. You can offer your partner information about the health effects, status of your treatment and how you can protect each other. Sometimes it is helpful to have informational materials at the ready, maybe a printed brochure or referrals to other resources such as this website or GYTNOW.org.
• Let your partner know that STDs are very common, and many people who have one don’t know it. By knowing your status and being honest, you and your partner will be better able to protect yourselves.
• Having an STD doesn’t mean you can’t have a sexual relationship without passing the infection on to others. Suggest that you go together to see a health care provider and talk about options.

This conversation may stir up a lot of emotions, but try to think of it as simply sharing vital information. Give your partner some time and space to digest the news. After all, it probably took you a while to adjust when you first found out. With time, most people take the news pretty well and don’t let it stand in the way of the relationship. And, if they don’t take it well, it’s better to find out now before the relationship goes too far.