Kamaria, 26
When I Found Out:
I found out when I gave birth to my daughter. I was tested because I didn't have any prenatal care. Back when I had a one night stand, the thought crossed my mind, but fear kept me from wanting to know the truth.
How I was infected:
A one night stand.
The biggest challenge I deal with living with HIV:
Knowing when to reveal my status, gauging people's reactions, and dealing with where I was as a person when I contracted the virus. Mostly in the dating aspect and my work environment it has been the most difficult. It's not that I have a problem telling people, I have a problem with making people uncomfortable.
Ways I am treated differently because I have HIV:
I get a lot of sympathy glances and people saying in wonderment that they don't understand how I can deal with it. I've had relationships falter or not even been given the chance because of my status. I've even had guys that literally just want to get in my pants tell me that they don't care about my status. That blows me away. There are also times I feel ignored as though me having HIV isn't taken seriously, it isn't a big deal, like I don't have a right to be sick or that I deserve it. I get various treatments from different people.
What I've learned from living with HIV:
I've learned that having HIV doesn't define me. I can die from anything, a car accident, heart attack, fire, anything. This has happened to me for a reason to make me a better person. I am leaving a mark, no matter how small or big, in the world.
What I think is the biggest difference between people's perceptions and the reality of living with HIV:
People expect you to have outward signs, skin paling or peeling, hair falling out, rapid loss of weight. I mean, these things happen, but I think a lot of people have this image of what someone with the virus is supposed to look like. Like they are supposed to look like they've been on drugs or that they don't take care of themselves. Because of that perception I sometimes find myself overeating because I don't want any signs of me losing weight to be a signal to someone that I am sick.
Who I thought HIV affected before I learned I was positive:
I knew anyone could get it, but I never conceived that someone with as much knowledge or the upbringing that I had would be exposed to it. When you're around friends who are highly promiscuous and nothing happens to them, you begin to play this mental game of Russian roulette with yourself and that's what happened to me. I was at a vulnerable place in my life and thought if they could do it, why couldn't I?
What I want someone who is HIV negative to know about me:
I believe that being positive, the terminology, the name of the virus is done for a reason. It's called HIV positive and that's the mentality I am going to have towards it. I am just like anyone else, I just can't heal as well or as quickly as most people, which is something that I used to take for granted. In a way, I consider it a blessing because it's forced me to live in a positive life change.
What I want to tell young people who say HIV can't happen to them:
Basically that this virus has no age, gender, name, class status, religion, race or knowledge discrimination. Whether you choose to know about it and protect yourself or not, it can happen. And you can believe that something will never happen to you all you want. Don't be so arrogant with the gift of life. ANYTHING can happen.
